Like do these kinds of lines even work any more. Also, I'm pretty sure these types send THE SAME MESSAGE to a number of women and hope ANYONE bites.
NEXT.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
These Guys Tho
Just a quick update to leave you with these:
These crack me up EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.
Like do these kinds of lines even work any more. Also, I'm pretty sure these types send THE SAME MESSAGE to a number of women and hope ANYONE bites.
NEXT.
Like do these kinds of lines even work any more. Also, I'm pretty sure these types send THE SAME MESSAGE to a number of women and hope ANYONE bites.
NEXT.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
The Bearded One
Ok dearest readers I have been on a dating rampage lately, but they have been too good to really blog about...I mean, who REALLY wants to read about good dates...amirite. Bad dates make the best stories...this one may disappoint, but it's current...
I had gotten very frustrated with another potential (more on that almost 6 week saga later) and logged back on to that trusty Plenty of Fish, you know the one, free, full of creepers who are looking for one night stands because apparently the bar is no longer full of intoxicated people with low inhibitions. Go there, punks. Let me live my life on Plenty of Fish.
Anyhow, I start talking to this gentleman. He has more facial hair than I really care for, but I have realized that some things are fixable...we CAN change them ladies! And in one of his pics he cleaned up really well. We exchanged a couple of emails and then phone numbers and text messages. Once a man has your phone he can now find you on snap chat - which started with terrible intentions, but I use it to exchange double chin pictures with my family #donthate
He finds me on snap. He's appropriate and funny. He asks me to brunch for the VERY.NEXT.DAY. Home boy wastes no time. I appreciate that - get to the point let's see if I can sit across the table from you for a meal.
The next day came and guess what?! MY CAR WOULDN'T START. Something about sub zero temperatures. I send an immediate text to the Bearded One and tell him NOT to meet me there because my car wasn't starting and I had to cancel. Just then my phone rang - I bet you can guess who it was -- THE GUY! He asked for my address and stated that he would pick me up in 20 minutes. What a guy! Or he's been cat fished enough times that he was like NOT TODAY.
The date was nothing you want to hear about. He was a good guy. He does play Magic cards and attends Comic Con (not really my thang, but whatevs). He picked up the tab and when we got back to his car he opened my car door - I was all glad I tried this one out. He dropped me off at home and helped me start my car. See, I told you you didn't want to hear about this one.
Sometimes I like to see how long before a guy follows up following a date. This one took approximately 15 minutes before sending me a snap chat video saying he had a good time. And you know what SO.DID.I, but a snapchat video? C'mon. We agree that we are going to hang out again sometime. And guess how often I hear from him now? EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Guess how many times he's invited me out again...you guessed it! ZERO.
I don't know that I'm interested, but I'd be interested in a second date. What I'm NOT interested in are the 7 second snaps of nothing I receive on a daily basis - like are we doing this or not. Don't waste my life.
I'll probably marry this one.
I had gotten very frustrated with another potential (more on that almost 6 week saga later) and logged back on to that trusty Plenty of Fish, you know the one, free, full of creepers who are looking for one night stands because apparently the bar is no longer full of intoxicated people with low inhibitions. Go there, punks. Let me live my life on Plenty of Fish.
Anyhow, I start talking to this gentleman. He has more facial hair than I really care for, but I have realized that some things are fixable...we CAN change them ladies! And in one of his pics he cleaned up really well. We exchanged a couple of emails and then phone numbers and text messages. Once a man has your phone he can now find you on snap chat - which started with terrible intentions, but I use it to exchange double chin pictures with my family #donthate
He finds me on snap. He's appropriate and funny. He asks me to brunch for the VERY.NEXT.DAY. Home boy wastes no time. I appreciate that - get to the point let's see if I can sit across the table from you for a meal.
The next day came and guess what?! MY CAR WOULDN'T START. Something about sub zero temperatures. I send an immediate text to the Bearded One and tell him NOT to meet me there because my car wasn't starting and I had to cancel. Just then my phone rang - I bet you can guess who it was -- THE GUY! He asked for my address and stated that he would pick me up in 20 minutes. What a guy! Or he's been cat fished enough times that he was like NOT TODAY.
The date was nothing you want to hear about. He was a good guy. He does play Magic cards and attends Comic Con (not really my thang, but whatevs). He picked up the tab and when we got back to his car he opened my car door - I was all glad I tried this one out. He dropped me off at home and helped me start my car. See, I told you you didn't want to hear about this one.
Sometimes I like to see how long before a guy follows up following a date. This one took approximately 15 minutes before sending me a snap chat video saying he had a good time. And you know what SO.DID.I, but a snapchat video? C'mon. We agree that we are going to hang out again sometime. And guess how often I hear from him now? EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Guess how many times he's invited me out again...you guessed it! ZERO.
I don't know that I'm interested, but I'd be interested in a second date. What I'm NOT interested in are the 7 second snaps of nothing I receive on a daily basis - like are we doing this or not. Don't waste my life.
I'll probably marry this one.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Pedophile Style?
So I met a new guy this weekend, Saturday night. He drove about an hour to meet me. I drove 3 minutes, that is the way it should be after all, right ladies? We had exchanged a handful of emails and text messages. He seemed decent (they all do), he did use terrible pick up lines that I just pretended he didn't use - are those still a thing? Guys, stop!
In one of our exchanges he mentioned that he thought we had exchanged emails in the past (well, that should have been my first clue), but that we had never met up. Later he gave me some line about how we were going to meet up but I jetted off to Michigan and then we never talked again. Sounds about right...there was probably a reason.
He called me before we met up on Saturday. He said that the restaurant we would be attending was only a 2.1 rating on Google, but that he was willing to "take the risk" on this restaurant because it was really the company that he cared about...talk about a line!
I ordered a $3 beer. I got carded. He ordered an $11 fru fru drink after asking the waitress about the cost of everything. He didn't get carded. He made some weird comment about how it had been a while since he'd gone out with a woman who was carded for a drink. We ordered an appetizer of chips and salsa and he was appalled that we had to pay for them - usually chips and salsa are free in his dream land. The food was mediocre and the conversation was mostly okay. He talked about his ex and seemed jaded. He talked about stay at home moms and how that didn't seem like a "real" job because that's what his ex used to do...blah blah blah. Don't worry ladies, I schooled him on how hard a stay at home mom works and dared him to try it sometime...maybe that's why we went dutch when the bill came.
To be honest this was a confusing date. The "gentleman" was more than a decade older than me and I'm not sure if he invited me out out of spite for his ex (who is re married with a kiddo btw) or because he was interested in me. He said he'd like to see me again, but then let me pay half the tab. We hugged, left the 2.1 restaurant and then I never heard from him again.
I'll probably marry this one.
In one of our exchanges he mentioned that he thought we had exchanged emails in the past (well, that should have been my first clue), but that we had never met up. Later he gave me some line about how we were going to meet up but I jetted off to Michigan and then we never talked again. Sounds about right...there was probably a reason.
He called me before we met up on Saturday. He said that the restaurant we would be attending was only a 2.1 rating on Google, but that he was willing to "take the risk" on this restaurant because it was really the company that he cared about...talk about a line!
I ordered a $3 beer. I got carded. He ordered an $11 fru fru drink after asking the waitress about the cost of everything. He didn't get carded. He made some weird comment about how it had been a while since he'd gone out with a woman who was carded for a drink. We ordered an appetizer of chips and salsa and he was appalled that we had to pay for them - usually chips and salsa are free in his dream land. The food was mediocre and the conversation was mostly okay. He talked about his ex and seemed jaded. He talked about stay at home moms and how that didn't seem like a "real" job because that's what his ex used to do...blah blah blah. Don't worry ladies, I schooled him on how hard a stay at home mom works and dared him to try it sometime...maybe that's why we went dutch when the bill came.
To be honest this was a confusing date. The "gentleman" was more than a decade older than me and I'm not sure if he invited me out out of spite for his ex (who is re married with a kiddo btw) or because he was interested in me. He said he'd like to see me again, but then let me pay half the tab. We hugged, left the 2.1 restaurant and then I never heard from him again.
I'll probably marry this one.
Friday, January 22, 2016
Watch Me Walk Away
New Potential: Mr. Hornball
Meeting Place: Buffalo Wild Wings
I started talking with a new potential last week and met up with him this week. He seemed half way decent. Had a job. Didn't live with his folks, although I later learned that he has a roommate he also calls brother, but whatevs right? New year, new me, new rules. He's saving money. Just kidding he clearly has no money. Want to know how I know? As soon as I showed up he was waiting and he said something like "I'll buy the first round, you buy the second." Then he handed the waitress the exact amount of our bill. That's cute, someone who doesn't believe in tipping...#sarcasmfont
He proceeded to have awkward conversation the ENTIRE date. I've never wanted to leave so badly and to be honest...I've never had the guts to leave mid date, but I've always dreamed that I would one day be able to just walk out. Today was not that day. During every single lull in the conversation he would fill the empty space with the phrase "and what else." I'll tell you what else, buddy, get a new line and how about you tell me something about you for a change.
Eventually the conversation turned something terrible when he asked me how many one night stands I've had. 0 to be exact. He held up his hand as if to high-5 me and said "awesome me too" Something tells me that's a lie, like the fact that you felt comfortable asking me the question in the first place. He then asked how far sexually I would feel comfortable going on a first date. Uh, douchebag, you see the distance between us now...it's going to stay that way. He asked me what I was doing later. Well, since it's about 6:30pm now...I assume I'll probably be watching TV and going to bed...ALONE. I made up some line about running errands and doing a little shopping. He followed that up with "that's too bad, I was hoping we could go back to your place and watch a movie"
I have a feeling "watch a movie" to him does not actually mean watch a movie.
I'll probably marry this one.
Meeting Place: Buffalo Wild Wings
I started talking with a new potential last week and met up with him this week. He seemed half way decent. Had a job. Didn't live with his folks, although I later learned that he has a roommate he also calls brother, but whatevs right? New year, new me, new rules. He's saving money. Just kidding he clearly has no money. Want to know how I know? As soon as I showed up he was waiting and he said something like "I'll buy the first round, you buy the second." Then he handed the waitress the exact amount of our bill. That's cute, someone who doesn't believe in tipping...#sarcasmfont
He proceeded to have awkward conversation the ENTIRE date. I've never wanted to leave so badly and to be honest...I've never had the guts to leave mid date, but I've always dreamed that I would one day be able to just walk out. Today was not that day. During every single lull in the conversation he would fill the empty space with the phrase "and what else." I'll tell you what else, buddy, get a new line and how about you tell me something about you for a change.
Eventually the conversation turned something terrible when he asked me how many one night stands I've had. 0 to be exact. He held up his hand as if to high-5 me and said "awesome me too" Something tells me that's a lie, like the fact that you felt comfortable asking me the question in the first place. He then asked how far sexually I would feel comfortable going on a first date. Uh, douchebag, you see the distance between us now...it's going to stay that way. He asked me what I was doing later. Well, since it's about 6:30pm now...I assume I'll probably be watching TV and going to bed...ALONE. I made up some line about running errands and doing a little shopping. He followed that up with "that's too bad, I was hoping we could go back to your place and watch a movie"
I have a feeling "watch a movie" to him does not actually mean watch a movie.
I'll probably marry this one.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
This is me
Just a single 31 year old dog mom living in the Twin Cities. I'm a frequent flyer on just about every online dating website available. You name it, I've tried it...except for "It's Just Lunch" <= that one is ridiculously expensive...anyone want to fund that? I've met almost every type of person online. You know the ones "between jobs", the ones still living at home with mom, the ones who are still actually married and I've even met some halfway decent ones that just didn't work out. I've been online dating for about 12% of my life - you do the math. I actually enjoy meeting new people and going new place and I love to tell a good story - that's what you'll find here - online dating stories. Stay tuned.
I don't usually tell people when I'm going out with a new person because then I got those terribly awkward questions "How was the date?" "Will you see him again?" "Do you like him?" "Were there any sparks?" I don't know, we had a drink at a bar, it was loud, conversation was clunky and awkward...maybe he'll text me again, maybe he won't. I think I might start saying "I'm probably going to marry this one" after every first date...eventually I'll be right....right?
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